Jul. 18th, 2008

lordshipmayhem: (Default)
Just when I thought the case of SCO vs. World+dog couldn't get any sillier, for five breathless days it did.

Let me introduce you to Mr. Johnathan Lee Riches, of Federal Correctional Institute (FCI) Williamsberg, South Carolina.

Mr. Riches has sued a startling variety of people (as you shall see in a moment, Mr. Riches uses the word "people" very, very loosely) in an astonishingly vast quantity of lawsuits, including one marathon filing that took 56 pages just to name 764 defendants. This marathon listing included such "people" as:
- The book "Mein Kampf" (No, not Der Fuhrer, his book)
- Nostradamus (deceased, good luck with that)
- Che Guevara (deceased, good luck there too)
- The Lincoln Memorial (I expect they served the statue within...)
- The Eiffel Tower (AFAIK, everyone who built this edifice are deceased)
- The Garden of Eden ("That's mah pet snake Reggie!")
- The Appalachian Trail
- all of Three Mile Island.

In one cute lawsuit, he claims that OJ Simpson is a hit-man for Apple Computers' Steve Jobs.

He has also sued Rockstar Games and Grand Theft Auto (also FCI Williamsberg...), claiming that the defendants "put me in prison. I face imminent danger from violent inmates who played Grand Theft Auto who will knock me out and take my gold Jesus cross." Note for my gamer geek friends: YES, he sued the game. I now have to imagine a tuxedoed Grand Theft Auto coming up to me at a fancy party and engaging in small talk over cocktails and canapes. (Cue Spock: "Fascinating.")

And in the SCO case, he claims, "I have an interest in this case regarding the Unixware software software and the defendants refusing royalty payment."

As I said, it lasted all of five days before Judge Kimball shot it down in a ball of fire ("What pretty, pretty flames!"). Part of Kimball's reasoning (which contrasts sharply to the unreasoning Mr. Riches): "none of his allegations have anything in common with the questions of law or fact pertaining to this case"

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