A little halloween break
Oct. 25th, 2007 08:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lordshipmayhemAs in, to break the English language. I present for your amusement, edification and horror, these tales of the massacre of the English language:
1) Wilf and I are chatting over dinner. He says that one of the three itesm being discussed is the "outing" of "Doodledorf". Who?!? Dumbledore, of course. "Well, at least I got the "dorf" part of his name right." Suuuure you did. I think the English language has a restraining order out on him. Fear, people: he's teaching the next generation to read and write.
2) TV ad for Lasik MD Laser Eye Surgery Centre. "Patients remember the day they had laser eye surgery forever!" Forever? Hell of a long day, if it lasts that long. This is the surgery that never ends...
3) The sign on the "smog dog" cart advertisies a "spcial". At first I think it's just a clever way of condensing "special', then I notice this word is spelled the same way on the far wider sign at the side of the cart, where the sign artiste has enough room for the regular-spelled word. Maybe the letters stand for something. "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Inquisitive Asian Lepidopterists"?
4) The fire alarm jolts me awake, and I roll over to see the clock: 2:01. AM. Dammit. As Sumomo tries to get some comfort from me that everything's going to be OK, I'm thinking of certain obscure words. These words are all descriptive of the likely fate of the jackass who decided 2:01 on a Thursday morning was a swell time to pull the fire alarm in the lobby of my building, should he be truly unfortunate to fall into my evil clutches. Vivisect. Immolate. Lobotomize. Garrotte. Defenestrate. (Well, maybe not lobotomize. It's hard to lobotomize the already brain-dead.) It takes 45 agonizingly painful minutes for the firefighters to arrive, search (thoroughly), determine there's no fire or threat of fire, and finally shut off the alarm.
1) Wilf and I are chatting over dinner. He says that one of the three itesm being discussed is the "outing" of "Doodledorf". Who?!? Dumbledore, of course. "Well, at least I got the "dorf" part of his name right." Suuuure you did. I think the English language has a restraining order out on him. Fear, people: he's teaching the next generation to read and write.
2) TV ad for Lasik MD Laser Eye Surgery Centre. "Patients remember the day they had laser eye surgery forever!" Forever? Hell of a long day, if it lasts that long. This is the surgery that never ends...
3) The sign on the "smog dog" cart advertisies a "spcial". At first I think it's just a clever way of condensing "special', then I notice this word is spelled the same way on the far wider sign at the side of the cart, where the sign artiste has enough room for the regular-spelled word. Maybe the letters stand for something. "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Inquisitive Asian Lepidopterists"?
4) The fire alarm jolts me awake, and I roll over to see the clock: 2:01. AM. Dammit. As Sumomo tries to get some comfort from me that everything's going to be OK, I'm thinking of certain obscure words. These words are all descriptive of the likely fate of the jackass who decided 2:01 on a Thursday morning was a swell time to pull the fire alarm in the lobby of my building, should he be truly unfortunate to fall into my evil clutches. Vivisect. Immolate. Lobotomize. Garrotte. Defenestrate. (Well, maybe not lobotomize. It's hard to lobotomize the already brain-dead.) It takes 45 agonizingly painful minutes for the firefighters to arrive, search (thoroughly), determine there's no fire or threat of fire, and finally shut off the alarm.
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Date: 2007-10-26 11:41 pm (UTC)